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an excerpt

"So anyway, I was at this stoplight, and a guy about my age pulled up next to me in a Pontiac GTO convertible, 1964 or 1965 I believe, light blue, top down, engine rumbling. I was openly admiring his car, and he looked over at me, and I lowered my window and said: "Nice Goat."

Lest you think I am some kind of pervert who was trying to fondle this man's livestock, I should explain that "Goat" is the hepcat slang nickname we used to use for the GTO.

"Thanks," said the GTO driver, and the light turned green, and he rumbled off, gasoline exploding audibly in his large internal-combustion engine, while I glided forward in my eerily silent Actuary, which I think runs on a computer hard drive powered by nuclear fusion. I knew the GTO guy would probably have to pull over within the next 150 yards for gas, oil, new pinions, etc., but I was jealous of him. I found myself humming "Little GTO," the 1964 hit by Ronny and the Daytonas, in which Ronny describes the GTO in loving technical detail ("Three deuces and a four-speed, and a 389") and the Daytonas, not quite in tune, sing: "Turnin' it on! Blowin' it out! Turnin' it on! Blowin' it out!"

That was from the Golden Age of Car Songs, songs like the Beach Boys' "409" ("My four-speed, dual-quad, posi-traction 409!") and of course Chuck Berry's "Maybelline," in which Chuck's V-8 Ford (pronounced "Foad") chases down a Cadillac, and Chuck displays his grasp of automotive thermodynamics ("Rain water blowin' all under my hood; I knew that was doin' my motor good").

Nobody will ever write a song like that about my Actuary, or any other modern car. Modern cars are just not songworthy.

The other guys are all jealous of me

When I cruise in my Hyundai Elantra GT

And the girls always feel a romantic explosion

When they learn that my warranty covers corrosion.

No, today's cars are just not exciting. I've thought about getting a fun old car, like a GTO, or a vintage Mustang. But then I'd have to keep it garaged, find a mechanic, etc. So maybe instead I'll just get a vintage Vega. I'll keep it in a Tupperware container, which I'll carry in my glove compartment. When I encounter other vintage-car guys, I'll lower my window, and shake my Vega at them. That way they'll know that, inside my Actuary, I am still cool."
 

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Smiles

Thanks that was fun! I wish all the papers would do articals like that. Maybe the law makers who hate rolling art and never pay there own regeistration or car repairs, would get a clue!!!!!
 

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Yeah great article. When I was 16 I almost got my hands on my neighbor's '69 GTO. It had a 454 with posi-traction. I had my mom just about convinced until the owner lit up the tires right in front of our apt. bldg. Ah well, it would've been too much for me to handle. Besides my automotive ownership led me to be smitten by Alfa Romeos. If I would've bought that GTO, I coulda become a devout muscle car guy, and never known the joys of tearing through the twisties.
 

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Muscle cars is fun!

I used to have a '69 Mustang 429 cobra jet that would dust off gtos like no 'nuff. God that wuz fun. Used to scare the bejeepers out of myself with that car, went from Aspen to denver in 3 hours. Before the tunnel. In the snow.:D
 
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