A joke section? - Page 3 - Alfa Romeo Bulletin Board & Forums
 76Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #31 of 748 (permalink) Old 01-26-2007, 07:14 AM
Registered User
 
alfadan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: augusta ks
Posts: 770
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility

Was almost zero when the little blonde got off work.

She made her way to her car and wondered

How she was going to make it home.

She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about

Her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's

Advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she

Should wait for a snow plow to come

By and follow it. That way she

Would not get stuck in

a snow drift.

This made her feel much better and sure enough in a

Little while a snow plow went by and she started to

Follow it. As she followed the snow plow
She was feeling very smug as they

Continued and she was not

Having any problem

With the blizzard

Conditions.

After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised

When the snowplow stopped and the driver got out

And came back to her car and signaled for

Her to roll down her window.

The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right

As she had been following him for a long time.She

Said that she was fine and told him of her

Daddy's' advice to follow a snow plow

When caught in a blizzard.

The driver replied that it was ok with him and she could

Continue if she wanted, but he was done with the

Wal-Mart parking lot and was going

Over to Sears next.

Dan
69 spider 105.62
alfadan is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 748 (permalink) Old 01-26-2007, 10:09 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
lowmileage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: home feeding the squirrels
Posts: 7,166
I gotta tell ya' all somethin'
Attached Images
 

Loud pipes save lives.

1973 GTV - bought 3/06, intend to keep forever
1969 GTV, #AR1530021 - sold 10/72, guess didn't intend to keep forever
Current project: '69 Corvette bought in '73, DD '73 - '80, in storage 1989-2002, now apart
lowmileage is offline  
post #33 of 748 (permalink) Old 01-26-2007, 10:26 AM
Registered User
 
alfadan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: augusta ks
Posts: 770
well, lets see some from you for a change, geez

Dan
69 spider 105.62
alfadan is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #34 of 748 (permalink) Old 01-26-2007, 10:28 AM
Registered User
 
Pat Braden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Dexter, Michigan USA
Posts: 4,631
A Joke Section?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lowmileage View Post
I gotta tell ya' all somethin'
If I'm not mistaken, didn't you start this thread?.........

Cheryl
(Not an authority nor SME on anything, just PATSYF)
Pat Braden is offline  
post #35 of 748 (permalink) Old 01-26-2007, 10:37 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
lowmileage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: home feeding the squirrels
Posts: 7,166
Quote:
Originally Posted by alfadan View Post
well, lets see some from you for a change, geez

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles at the student, shakes her head and says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."


Loud pipes save lives.

1973 GTV - bought 3/06, intend to keep forever
1969 GTV, #AR1530021 - sold 10/72, guess didn't intend to keep forever
Current project: '69 Corvette bought in '73, DD '73 - '80, in storage 1989-2002, now apart

Last edited by lowmileage; 01-26-2007 at 10:40 AM.
lowmileage is offline  
post #36 of 748 (permalink) Old 01-26-2007, 01:46 PM
Registered User
 
alfadan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: augusta ks
Posts: 770
thats more like it, especially the last one, thatsagudn!

Dan
69 spider 105.62
alfadan is offline  
post #37 of 748 (permalink) Old 01-26-2007, 04:16 PM
Registered User
 
Paradiso's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Northampton, MA
Posts: 1,171
John and Bill are at a bar getting trashed when all of a sudden John barfs all over himself.
“Oh, **** it!” Says John. “My wife is going to kill me when I get home. I gotta leave now!”
“Relax…” slurs Bill as he pulls a Twenty out of his wallet and stuffs it into John’s shirt pocket.
“What’s this for?” Asks John.
“Well, when you get home you can tell your wife that some other guy barfed all over you and he then gave you twenty bucks to cover your dry cleaning bill. That way you can stay with me and have some more drinks. No problem!”
Much later that night, John stumbles home and up to the bedroom. His wife wakes up and says “Jeezus John! You stink! Are you covered in vomit?!”
“Well,” says John as he pulls a handful of cash out of his pocket, “I only had a couple of drinks with Bill but then some really drunk guy barfed all over me and offered me twenty bucks for dry cleaning.”
His wife says “But you have 40 bucks in your hand now…”
“Oh yeah, I forgot. He ***** my pants too”
Norseman50 likes this.

92 Spider Veloce
71 TwinSpark Spider - Soon to be 4 Sale
Paradiso is offline  
post #38 of 748 (permalink) Old 01-26-2007, 04:29 PM
Registered User
 
Paradiso's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Northampton, MA
Posts: 1,171
A woman meets a man in a bar, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall! There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!"

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says...........................................

"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."

92 Spider Veloce
71 TwinSpark Spider - Soon to be 4 Sale
Paradiso is offline  
post #39 of 748 (permalink) Old 01-28-2007, 05:47 PM
Senior Member
Gold Subscriber
 
Subtle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Vancouver, B C
Posts: 6,243
Hillary In The Whitehouse

So Hillary wins the big one,dumps Bill and has a dream on her first night's sleep in the Whitehouse.

The ghost of President Washington visits and his advice to her is not to lie.

She says "It would be personally too restrictive".

The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson arrives and tells her to abide by the Constitution, rather than trying to avoid it.

Her response was "It would be politically incorrect".

On the third night the ghost of Abe Lincoln arrives and Hillary says " And what is your advice?"

"Go to the theatre!"

Bob,
Avatar is the 68 Super, bought new.
Subtle is offline  
post #40 of 748 (permalink) Old 01-29-2007, 08:02 AM
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 22
Ahem... straight to the point


Three blondes walk into a bar... their brunette friend ducks...
BimmerMan43 is offline  
post #41 of 748 (permalink) Old 02-01-2007, 12:21 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
lowmileage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: home feeding the squirrels
Posts: 7,166
a couple more shorties come to mind

Two friends were standing in a bank when a pair of robbers entered. Not only did the thieves clean out the tills, but they walked around with bags and ordered everyone to throw their valuables in. Just as the robbers got to the pair, one of the friends turned to the other and, passing him a bill, said, "By the way, Joe, here's that twenty bucks I owe you."

Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond. "Bob is that you?" Earl asked. "Of course it me," Bob replied. "This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?" "Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?" Earl excitedly replies, "Tell me the good news first." "Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl." "Oh, that's great! So what could possibly be the bad news?" "You're pitching tomorrow."

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

Oh well, back to work

Loud pipes save lives.

1973 GTV - bought 3/06, intend to keep forever
1969 GTV, #AR1530021 - sold 10/72, guess didn't intend to keep forever
Current project: '69 Corvette bought in '73, DD '73 - '80, in storage 1989-2002, now apart
lowmileage is offline  
post #42 of 748 (permalink) Old 02-01-2007, 12:38 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 22
*ahem*

How do you keep a blonde busy?
Stick her in a circular room and tell her to piss in the corner.

How do you make frosted flakes?
Stick two blondes in a freezer.

How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool.
Put spikes on her shoulders.
BimmerMan43 is offline  
post #43 of 748 (permalink) Old 02-02-2007, 12:37 AM
Registered User
 
aussie alfa nut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: adelaide
Posts: 209
2 blondes in a car whos driving???.................... THE COPS!
aussie alfa nut is offline  
post #44 of 748 (permalink) Old 02-02-2007, 09:24 AM
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 22
heyo... zing!
BimmerMan43 is offline  
post #45 of 748 (permalink) Old 02-02-2007, 11:35 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,982
a dog will look at a human and thinks' he feeds me and gives me shelter..he must be god ' a cat looks at a human and thinks ' he feeds me and gives me shelter, i must be god'....
bianchi1 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Alfa Romeo Bulletin Board & Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome