A joke section? - Page 4 - Alfa Romeo Bulletin Board & Forums
 12Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #46 of 654 (permalink) Old 02-04-2007, 11:38 PM
Registered User
 
AlfaRonny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Belgium
Posts: 748
When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts.
In high school, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.
Now all I want is a girl with large breasts!
AlfaRonny is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 654 (permalink) Old 02-05-2007, 09:07 AM
Registered User
 
BimmerMan43's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 22
hahaha... it's funny cuz it's true... keep it simple hahahaha

[url=http://www.fquick.com/bimmerman43]Check out my rides[/url]
BimmerMan43 is offline  
post #48 of 654 (permalink) Old 02-06-2007, 05:34 PM
Registered User
Platinum Subscriber
 
bshorey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Gilroy, CA, USA
Posts: 1,993
Send a message via AIM to bshorey Send a message via MSN to bshorey Send a message via Yahoo to bshorey
How about some *car* related jokes? Here's one..

On a hot summer day, a penguin took his car to the transmission shop to have a problem diagnosed. He left the car at the shop, and it was really hot out, so he told the shop manager he'd be across the street in a supermarket, figuring he'd wait inside where it was air conditioned.

He went inside, wandered around, and the freezer section looked awfully inviting. So he jumped into the freezer, and started flopping around. He ended up pigging out on vanilla ice cream.

All of a sudden the shop manager showed up and knocked on the freezer door. The penguin opened the door, with vanilla ice cream all over his face. The shop manager told him, "it looks like you blew a seal".

To which the penguin responded, "NO!!! It's only ice cream, HONEST!".

Thank you very much, I'll be here all week...

bs
bshorey is offline  
post #49 of 654 (permalink) Old 04-12-2007, 12:33 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
lowmileage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: home feeding the squirrels
Posts: 7,162
How do you count to 3. Don't disturb him now, he's thinking.
Attached Images
 

Loud pipes save lives.

1973 GTV - bought 3/06, intend to keep forever
1969 GTV, #AR1530021 - sold 10/72, guess didn't intend to keep forever
Current project: '69 Corvette bought in '73, DD '73 - '80, in storage 1989-2002, now apart

Last edited by lowmileage; 04-17-2007 at 01:35 PM.
lowmileage is offline  
post #50 of 654 (permalink) Old 04-16-2007, 08:39 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
lowmileage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: home feeding the squirrels
Posts: 7,162
Quote:
Originally Posted by lowmileage View Post
How do you count to 3
Looks like we may have another winner here folks He's off to a good start.
Attached Images
 

Loud pipes save lives.

1973 GTV - bought 3/06, intend to keep forever
1969 GTV, #AR1530021 - sold 10/72, guess didn't intend to keep forever
Current project: '69 Corvette bought in '73, DD '73 - '80, in storage 1989-2002, now apart

Last edited by lowmileage; 04-17-2007 at 01:35 PM.
lowmileage is offline  
post #51 of 654 (permalink) Old 04-17-2007, 01:43 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
lowmileage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: home feeding the squirrels
Posts: 7,162
Nope, too many and
Attached Images
  

Loud pipes save lives.

1973 GTV - bought 3/06, intend to keep forever
1969 GTV, #AR1530021 - sold 10/72, guess didn't intend to keep forever
Current project: '69 Corvette bought in '73, DD '73 - '80, in storage 1989-2002, now apart

Last edited by lowmileage; 04-17-2007 at 01:47 PM.
lowmileage is offline  
post #52 of 654 (permalink) Old 04-17-2007, 01:50 PM
Registered User
 
silverspider's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,875
Fingers

This work...
Attached Images
 

1975 Spider -- Long gone gateway drug
1983 Spider -- Dead: slowly parted-out on eBay
1974 Spider -- Sold, alas.
silverspider is offline  
post #53 of 654 (permalink) Old 04-21-2007, 10:29 PM
Registered User
 
jontg428's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Alameda CA
Posts: 2,147
Send a message via Yahoo to jontg428
What does a fish say when it hits a wall? Dam!

Again the proud owner of the White Dragon and a 2010 Jetta TDI
jontg428 is offline  
post #54 of 654 (permalink) Old 04-23-2007, 08:23 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
lowmileage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: home feeding the squirrels
Posts: 7,162
Quote:
Originally Posted by lowmileage View Post
How do you count to 3. Don't disturb him now, he's thinking.
he's still trying
Attached Images
 

Loud pipes save lives.

1973 GTV - bought 3/06, intend to keep forever
1969 GTV, #AR1530021 - sold 10/72, guess didn't intend to keep forever
Current project: '69 Corvette bought in '73, DD '73 - '80, in storage 1989-2002, now apart
lowmileage is offline  
post #55 of 654 (permalink) Old 04-23-2007, 08:29 AM
Registered User
 
jamieandthemagi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: England - East Anglia
Posts: 976
He's really struggling now


1989 Alfa 75 3.0V6 & 1971 Alfa Giulia GT1300 Junior
[img]http://thumbsnap.com/s/W7pyBrvK.jpg[/img]
jamieandthemagi is offline  
post #56 of 654 (permalink) Old 04-23-2007, 02:21 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 292
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"


That's about as lame as it gets...

HOP

Alfa Hopper
DSARC- Raymond, MS
Alfa Hopper is offline  
post #57 of 654 (permalink) Old 04-23-2007, 06:09 PM
Registered User
 
johnei's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,219
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
johnei is offline  
post #58 of 654 (permalink) Old 04-23-2007, 06:12 PM
Registered User
 
johnei's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,219
The following are all replies that Dallas TX women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing "father's details". Or putting it another way... Who's the Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms (truth be told??).

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the same to me.

8. Peter Smith Is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time ... well, I don't have clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney
World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. !

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
johnei is offline  
post #59 of 654 (permalink) Old 04-25-2007, 12:35 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,672
a man walks in the the bedroom, and asks his wife ..what is that man doing under our bed?..she replys..not much but on the bed , he do'es great..
bianchi1 is offline  
post #60 of 654 (permalink) Old 05-16-2007, 11:05 AM
Registered User
 
Jamesbo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 92
One day this mouse is walking along the edge of a cliff and hears someone screaming for help. He looks down and sees a Rhinocerous down in a ravine who can't seem to make his way out. The mouse Runs off and returns in his Mercedes, ties a rope to the bumper, throws the rope down the ravine so the Rhino can tie himself to the rope and the mouse slowly backs up his Mercedes and pulls the Rhinoceros to Safety. The Rhino is most greatful and Says to his new friend the mouse, "Thanks you so very much, I could have perished in that ravine, If you ever need me for anything I'll be there to help you"

Weeks pass and one day the rhinoceros hears the mouse screaming for help. His little friend is caught in a drainage ditch and can't seem to get out. The Rhino straddles the ditch and lowers his "member" into the ditch. The mouse quickly runs up the Rhinos "member" to safety.

The moral of the story...............If ya got a big enough [cough] you don't need a Mercedes.
Jamesbo is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Alfa Romeo Bulletin Board & Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome