A joke section? - Page 4 - Alfa Romeo Bulletin Board & Forums

  #46 (permalink)  
Old 02-04-2007, 11:38 PM
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When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts.
In high school, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.
Now all I want is a girl with large breasts!
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  #47 (permalink)  
Old 02-05-2007, 09:07 AM
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hahaha... it's funny cuz it's true... keep it simple hahahaha
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  #48 (permalink)  
Old 02-06-2007, 05:34 PM
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How about some *car* related jokes? Here's one..

On a hot summer day, a penguin took his car to the transmission shop to have a problem diagnosed. He left the car at the shop, and it was really hot out, so he told the shop manager he'd be across the street in a supermarket, figuring he'd wait inside where it was air conditioned.

He went inside, wandered around, and the freezer section looked awfully inviting. So he jumped into the freezer, and started flopping around. He ended up pigging out on vanilla ice cream.

All of a sudden the shop manager showed up and knocked on the freezer door. The penguin opened the door, with vanilla ice cream all over his face. The shop manager told him, "it looks like you blew a seal".

To which the penguin responded, "NO!!! It's only ice cream, HONEST!".

Thank you very much, I'll be here all week...

bs
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  #49 (permalink)  
Old 04-12-2007, 12:33 PM
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How do you count to 3. Don't disturb him now, he's thinking.
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Loud pipes save lives.

1973 GTV - bought 3/06, intend to keep forever
1969 GTV, #AR1530021 - sold 10/72, guess didn't intend to keep forever
Current project: '69 Corvette bought in '73, DD '73 - '80, in storage 1989-2002, now apart

Last edited by lowmileage; 04-17-2007 at 01:35 PM.
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  #50 (permalink)  
Old 04-16-2007, 08:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lowmileage View Post
How do you count to 3
Looks like we may have another winner here folks He's off to a good start.
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Loud pipes save lives.

1973 GTV - bought 3/06, intend to keep forever
1969 GTV, #AR1530021 - sold 10/72, guess didn't intend to keep forever
Current project: '69 Corvette bought in '73, DD '73 - '80, in storage 1989-2002, now apart

Last edited by lowmileage; 04-17-2007 at 01:35 PM.
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  #51 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2007, 01:43 PM
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Nope, too many and
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Loud pipes save lives.

1973 GTV - bought 3/06, intend to keep forever
1969 GTV, #AR1530021 - sold 10/72, guess didn't intend to keep forever
Current project: '69 Corvette bought in '73, DD '73 - '80, in storage 1989-2002, now apart

Last edited by lowmileage; 04-17-2007 at 01:47 PM.
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  #52 (permalink)  
Old 04-17-2007, 01:50 PM
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Fingers

This work...
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  #53 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2007, 10:29 PM
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What does a fish say when it hits a wall? Dam!
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  #54 (permalink)  
Old 04-23-2007, 08:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lowmileage View Post
How do you count to 3. Don't disturb him now, he's thinking.
he's still trying
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Loud pipes save lives.

1973 GTV - bought 3/06, intend to keep forever
1969 GTV, #AR1530021 - sold 10/72, guess didn't intend to keep forever
Current project: '69 Corvette bought in '73, DD '73 - '80, in storage 1989-2002, now apart
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  #55 (permalink)  
Old 04-23-2007, 08:29 AM
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He's really struggling now

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  #56 (permalink)  
Old 04-23-2007, 02:21 PM
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A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"


That's about as lame as it gets...

HOP
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  #57 (permalink)  
Old 04-23-2007, 06:09 PM
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A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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  #58 (permalink)  
Old 04-23-2007, 06:12 PM
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The following are all replies that Dallas TX women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing "father's details". Or putting it another way... Who's the Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms (truth be told??).

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the same to me.

8. Peter Smith Is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time ... well, I don't have clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney
World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. !

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
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  #59 (permalink)  
Old 04-25-2007, 12:35 AM
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a man walks in the the bedroom, and asks his wife ..what is that man doing under our bed?..she replys..not much but on the bed , he do'es great..
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  #60 (permalink)  
Old 05-16-2007, 11:05 AM
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One day this mouse is walking along the edge of a cliff and hears someone screaming for help. He looks down and sees a Rhinocerous down in a ravine who can't seem to make his way out. The mouse Runs off and returns in his Mercedes, ties a rope to the bumper, throws the rope down the ravine so the Rhino can tie himself to the rope and the mouse slowly backs up his Mercedes and pulls the Rhinoceros to Safety. The Rhino is most greatful and Says to his new friend the mouse, "Thanks you so very much, I could have perished in that ravine, If you ever need me for anything I'll be there to help you"

Weeks pass and one day the rhinoceros hears the mouse screaming for help. His little friend is caught in a drainage ditch and can't seem to get out. The Rhino straddles the ditch and lowers his "member" into the ditch. The mouse quickly runs up the Rhinos "member" to safety.

The moral of the story...............If ya got a big enough [cough] you don't need a Mercedes.
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