Oh! I just figured it out! I had the battery in wrong! I switched the leads and now everything isn't from 'Bizarro Alfa World' anymore!
Seriously though...I sure am glad that this isn't the BritishBB.com, or the electrical section would be chock-full of troubles! With Alfas, almost all electrical problems can be attributed to a bad ground or corroded and dirty switch gear and terminals.
Cheers,