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Old 02-24-2010, 07:19 PM
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flivesay flivesay is online now
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: huntsville, alabama
Posts: 1,481
*How Fights

*How Fights
Start*

*

My
wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's
on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight
started...*

*
*******************************************

*My wife and
I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I
turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she
answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't
even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd
like to phone a friend."

And then the fight
started....*

********************************************

*Saturday
morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped
quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing
50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is
out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight
started...*

*
*******************************************

*My wife was
hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I
want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I
bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight
started...*

*
*******************************************

*After
retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify
my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go
home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office..

She said, 'You should have
dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then
the fight started...*

*
*******************************************

*My wife and
I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a
drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed,
'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after
we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...*

*
*******************************************

*I took my
wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first.
"I'll
have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried
about the mad cow?""

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And
then the fight started...*

********************************************

*A woman was
standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with
what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat
and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your
eyesight's **** near perfect.'

And then the fight
started.....*
__________________
Frank Livesay Huntsville, AL
Green Alfa - 68 Canadian 1750 Spider Veloce (driver)
White Alfa - 68 Euro 1750 GTV (needs a refresh)
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