[papajam]

Welcome to Alfa ownership and to the AlfaBB, Brad!! Nothing like an electrical issue to start things off, eh?
The '85 diagram I'm looking at (don't have an '83), shows fuses 9 thru 14 protect the outside lighting circuits. They will (should) be powered only when the parking/headlights are on.
If the wires in the two wire connector are a 14ga red and a 16ga blue/black stripe, it would appear that the connector plugs onto the '+' and 'P' terminals of the N13 intermittance relay, unless I misunderstood your description.